Catwoman (diabolic_fey) wrote in intr0version,
Catwoman
diabolic_fey
intr0version

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random thoughts

I've always thought about the type of person I am and about how solitary and inward I could be, but discovering this community has made me ponder things more and more, these past few days. It's mostly just idle thought, but things are starting to become more lucid for me; they're beginning to make more sense. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm looking inside myself more than I ever did before. I feel like I'm starting to know who I am a little more. I've been on this endless quest to figure out who this person I am in this existence is. Granted, I haven't gotten a grip of the whole picture, yet, but, at least I'm finding new pieces. Maybe its okay to see only the fragments, because if I were to get the full view already, what other meaning would my life have? I mean, isn't that the point of life, to keep on discovering? I'm only 27 years old; I don't want the mystery to unveil itself for me, yet. I still want new experiences, and I don't want to feel like there's nothing else to find out in life, because then this little life of mine would be beyond stagnant, not to mention, useless! I'm just so afraid of losing the richness in life. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I feel a sudden urge to meet some fresh faces or to change my location. Actually, I only moved out, on my own, once; I moved to Maine over two years ago (an impulsive move), and I recently moved back to NY (Long Island, that is). I would, in fact, like to live in Maine, again, because there's so much I haven't explored, yet, but due to circumstances, I had to move back to this ultra fast-paced state with my mom. What a polarity, huh? I go from NY to Maine, and back again. Lets see, NY has many places to go and more job opportunities; while Maine, on the other hand, has beautiful surroundings, friendly people, and I found a peace of mind--post culture-shock! Anyway, in each place I was searching, searching for myself, searching for spirituality (not to be mistaken for religion), or actually, I was probably not searching for a while; maybe a needed a break from searching, or maybe I never need to search at all. I guess now I need to relax and just go out, get decked out and enjoy music and essentric people, even though I spout about how much I need to dwell like a hermit. Well, secrets out! I'm known to often contradict myself! It's all in how I feel at the time; its all momentary.
Geez, I thought I knew where I was going with this when I started writing, but now I think I'm losing my train of thought. Darn, I hate when that happens! Well, if anyone had the patience enough to read this, thank you so so much, and I hope I don't seem too crazy. I just happen to go with the impulsive thoughts and feelings; I can't help myself sometimes. I also wanted to give some insight to where I'm coming from. Thank you all again. I shall finally end this here, because I made this entry too long, and I'm extremely tired. Bye, for now.
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